Imagine how little you know about the hair follicles in Julius Caesar’s left nostril. Since you know absolutely nothing about this place, it's going to take a little bit of time. There is a story to be told here, but there’s no point in telling it until you understand the setting in which the story takes place. Without meeting this singular character early on in a story, you may be curious if this is even a story at all, rather than just a random assortment of descriptions of silly creatures on silly planets. Now, many millennia of Earth stories have trained your brain to believe that for a story to truly be a story, it must start with one character (a protagonist), and that person must be followed on a journey in which they will encounter various obstacles in order to arrive at their destination. If you had the same experience I had, then you would not think of it as a great place to pop by and fuel up your space ship.

You would think this abundance of investment bankers and lack of common sense would make Earth a damned fine place to pop by and fuel up your space ship. Generally agreed upon as the most useless organisms ever to exist in the vast history of time and space, it’s common knowledge the only thing they are good for is fuelling space ships.Ĭommon knowledge isn’t very common on Earth. The ship I first came to Earth on was fuelled by investment bankers. Not a great place to pop by and fuel up your space ship. But all I really have to say about the planet Earth is this:

Not on Earth, that’s for sure! It is true I am writing this book for publication on the planet Earth in an Earthling language.

Greegs & Ladders by Zack Mitchell